Human Body OS 2.0: 15 Must-Have Features

      by Wyatt Walter

Well, God did a pretty good job with the Human OS 1.0. It’s done quite well for us for some time, but let’s face it, it’s time for an upgrade. While it hasn’t made it public exactly when Human 2.0 will debut, but the newest firmware should account for much-needed changes in the now out-of-date Human 1.0 firmware with some new features that we have learned from experience from the computing industry.

better logging (see syslog)
Pain is about as worthless as an error message on your computer screen reading just: “error”. Sometimes it takes a doctor just to figure out what in the world is wrong with your body. Having some better logging would just be much easier and more efficient.

kill
I’m not talking about killing other humans. When I go to sleep at night and can’t stop thinking about some event the next day or one that happened that day, I just want to make it stop. Being able to manually kill off a process would make things much easier.

search (see Spotlight)
While it’s not the best practice, good search can overcome the worst of organization skills. When I’m having problems remembering something, why can’t I just search for it?

a good antivirus
Like a good ol’ Windows 98 machine hooked directly to the public Internet, our bodies are susceptible to all kinds of viruses. A good antivirus would help increase uptime due to stupid things like viruses.

delete
Sometimes you see or hear things you just didn’t need nor want to hear. Having the ability to remove those unwanted memories would be awesome.

better multi-threading for males
Guys don’t multitask. If they say they do they’re lying. I know because I am one. With all the devices and thing competing for our attention, we as males need better multitasking.

improved process scheduling for females
I wouldn’t know, but I’ve heard and learned that females spend most of their time multitasking. I know sometimes I wish that my wife was able to just turn off thoughts about certain problems to not think about them for a while.

file sharing
Have you ever had to share memories or strategy with people in those archaic, analog fashions like speaking, writing, or typing? That’s just ridiculous. We need to be able to just open up a file share to let others grab that data for their use.

video chat / screen sharing
Let’s face it, sometimes there’s just no substitute for being there. Being able to share experiences with others as we see them is sometimes necessary for them to understand how we feel. Otherwise we have to resort to those old-school, ridiculous processes I mentioned above.

a good firewall
Sometimes people are just annoying. Sure, you can do your best to ignore them, but it takes resources for our brains to process who they are and what they’re saying before deciding to ignore them. Having a firewall in place could help eliminate the need for those unnecessary time wasters.

live migration (see vMotion)
Ever been working on a project at work and had to leave, only to realize that the person coming in needed to get brought up to speed? Imagine if you could just vMotion that project to the co-worker who was coming in to fill your spot. Your project wouldn’t be slowed down a bit, nor would you miss that important lunch date.

process delegation (see Xgrid)
This is possible in the human 1.0 firmware, but through a much more manual process. Once again we have to use these antiquated processes like talking and typing to delegate tasks. Automatically handing out tasks would speed things up for sure.

better battery life
Eight hours of down time every day?! That will never hold up, even with the most lax of SLAs. Good uptime will be key for human 2.0 to be a success.

people management (see Group Policy)
It would be far more efficient if we could just set policies to not allow humans to break laws than to pay police to be sure humans are caught if they break laws. This would also be helpful for parents, teachers and cult leaders.

copy-paste
Why should we constantly be trying to read things and memorize them? Let’s just copy-paste them into text files to search and share with others.

What about you? Are there any features that we need in Human OS 2.0 that you use every day on your computer?

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Filed under Just for Fun : Comments (0) : Jun 29th, 2009

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